Friday, April 27, 2012

Skunk Ape Food Supply

Omnivorous urban wildlife such as raccoons are known to raid garbage for food, but the Urban Skunk Ape is believed to be a herbivore and has not been known to eat garbage. What, then, could it possibly be eating?
Fortunately for the Skunk Ape, Springfield has always been a community of backyard gardeners. In this photo we see one proud local gardener showing off just one of his extra large turnips, each one big enough to feed a Slunk Ape for well over a day! Considering the fact that there are hundreds of gardeners in the city, it is no wonder that the Skunk Ape appears to be so plump. So next time you notice a tomato or zucchini missing from your garden, don't be alarmed - it's only the Skunk Ape dining from Springfield's largest buffet!
- photo by S.C.

Monday, April 23, 2012

ATTN: Bat Migration

Attention Springfield Missouri cryptid hunters - if you have been thinking about exploring Sequiota Caves, please be aware that the caves are off limits at this time. Bat migration is under way, and these caves are a habitat for the endangered Gray Bat. Also remember that any caving equipment used at other times of the year should be disinfected to help stop the spread of White Nose Syndrome among our little furry flying friends.
By the way, if you were planning on exploring these caves in hope of seeing the Elusive Skunk Ape, be aware that he stopped using them as a residence many years ago!

Friday, April 20, 2012

The Green Monster

Throughout the city of Springfield, large bins such as the one pictured can be found, each one with the instructions to "feed the Green Monster". This begs an obvious question: Does each bin contain a small green monster, or are all the bins used to collect paper to feed one gigantic green monster? I was afraid to stick my head into the bin to find out, but after a diligent stakeout we discovered that these bins are regularly emptied and the contents are carried by truck to some central location. In the coming week we intend to follow one of these trucks to discover the location of the lair of the Green Monster.
 - found by S.C.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

St Patty's Day Horror!

There are those who claim that some cryptids are the result of science gone awry - covert experiments and horrible accidents brought about by devious seekers of arcane knowledge - knowledge hitherto forbidden by Providence. So be warned as we relate the terrifying tale of the horror that recently befell the city of Springfield on March 17th, 2012.

Amongst the many local dignitaries participating in Springfield's St. Patrick's Day parade this year was the celebrated ghoul and bon vivant Uncle Gregory, host of "The New Uncle Gregory Horror Hour". Although many in the crowd must have been well aware of his macabre style and tastes, one can only imagine the wave of terror that swept across the crowd when they saw that his tiny float was being drawn by... GIANT MUTANT IRISH POTATOES!!!

Where did they come from? Where are they now? Was Uncle Gregory somehow responsible for the creation of these abominations? You will have to wait for a future episode of "The New Uncle Gregory Horror Hour" to find out... if you dare!
Tune in to "The New Uncle Gregory Horror Hour" on Mediacom channel 85 every week at 9:30 Thursday evening, or check out his website and watch his videos at:

Photos by Ted the Cameraman

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Skunk Ape hot dog theft?

Although cryptids of his type are commonly considered to be omnivorous, current evidence suggests that Springfield's own Skunk Ape is a vegetarian. That assessment was called into question last Friday evening when a nice lady working behind the counter at Emack & Bolio's, a local ice cream parlor near the Skunk Ape's known lair, reported that they had mysteriously run out of their delicious "Nathan's Famous" hot dogs. Had they been stolen by the Skunk Ape? If so, this would be the first example of meat in the Skunk Ape's diet, and it would be the first time that the Skunk Ape had stolen anything of value. On further examination, this proved not to be the case - It turns out that they had simply sold their entire supply that day. We encourage everyone to stop by Emack & Bolio's and enjoy a hot dog and ice cream when visiting Sequiota Park.